So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
