i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
