I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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