ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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