woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
BRING THE BAGELS
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
