Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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