Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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