; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
