playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
