Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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