Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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