you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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