direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize