cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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