well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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