Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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