Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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