Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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