Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
