He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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