Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
