He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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