No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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