it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
