is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
