I'm going to jail i love you
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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