the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
