I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
where are my eyebrows?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
