She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize