high people should be assigned attendants
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
