Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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