Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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