I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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