You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
