did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
