at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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