in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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