hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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