So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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