I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
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Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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