I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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