Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
