I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
