my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
