If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
