Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
