nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
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