He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
