Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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