all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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