Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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