god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
