I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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