I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize