I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
