I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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