So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
