Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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