Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
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shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize