some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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