Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
